June 10: Another Day 1 - The Prodigal Dieter Returns

I have been gone a long time and I didn't know if I'd be back. I've let a lot of personal struggles get in the way of my pursuit of lightness but eating right is like God's love: You're always welcome back!

I was really blindsided by the emotional aspect of my eating. I could eat properly when everything was going well but I didn't know how to do that when things started to fall apart: My dad starting chemo, my dog getting diagnosed with an inoperable tumor, having to deal with the different seasons friendships can turn...it all came at once. When I thought everything was out of control, food was where I turned to gain a little of it back. The problem was, the control was a lie. What I perceived to be "food freedom" was actually getting me back in the same bad habits that I was so grateful to have left just a few short months ago.

What I also couldn't deny was that I was disobeying what God wanted me to do: Get healthy. Here was His gift to me, The Baby Bowl Project, an eating plan so perfectly suited to me and I'd turned my back on it. I stopped the program, stopped going to the gym and I was on my way to gaining the weight I'd lost and negating all the hard work I'd put in when I first started the program. What turned me around is praying for a the desire to get back on the BBE and the Lord answered with this verse:

He said, "You must obey the Lord your God and do what he says is right. If you obey all his commands and keep his rules, I will not bring on you any of the sicknesses I brought on the Egyptians. I am the Lord who heals you." (Exodus 15:26)

What this reminded me of is all the disease that could come upon my body if I don't take care of it now. I know that I can't guarantee my immunity from disease but I don't need to hurry it along by overeating. It reminded me that the Lord wants more for me than what I have settled for and has given me way out if only I obey what He has set out for me to do. What a wonderful paradox to find the freedom in obedience!

I look forward to continuing the journey to wellness with you...

Starting Weight: 223
Meaningful Movement: 1 hour of Zumba (Shake it, baby!)

Day 56 - April 18 - ...And Eve Takes Another Bite of the Apple

It's been a rough week. Not because there have not been some GREAT moments but because I haven't been able to consistently feel the joy. I've just felt bombarded with negativity despite being really BLESSED. In conjunction with this, I also thought I could function outside of God's provision. I know the BBE was an answer to prayer but I've been slowly but surely getting further and further away from it. In less than two months, I made the mistake of feeling I was ready to go it alone despite evidence to the contrary and being still so far from my goals.

Because He is so faithful, I was led to start reading the book "A Call for Character" by Greg Zoschak and had to face some truths this morning when I read:

Whatever overcomes an individual becomes his master. People serve whatever they are in bondage to. Believers are no exception to this rule. Since whatever overcomes a person places him in bondage, and since whatever he is bound to he serves, then we can see why there are so many believers who are unconsciously bound to the enemy and are unwittingly serving him. In the same respect, however, if a believer is bound to the Lord Jesus, then he is serving God.

In getting away from the BBE, which was a gift from God, I was unwittingly serving the enemy by eating in a way that would keep me from my goal of "finding my God bod". Like Eve, I didn't realize I was being tempted by Satan and because I wasn't diligent, I didn't keep God's mission for me as my focus. I know there are greater, more important works being done in the world but the BBE is the one that's been entrusted to me. The enemy doesn't make us lose focus in a way that is blatant and obvious. That would be easier to overcome. Satan uses subtlety and the illusion of our independence. I needed a reminder of my own need to CLING to my Heavenly Father this past week and to overcome my lack of focus.

This past week the enemy has tried to convince me that I'm unworthy and that I fall short. It's been crippling and I've been living in a fog of depression, even with all the blessings I've encountered. I may still be unworthy and fall short but I'm infinitely grateful that God's grace overcomes and perforates Satan's lies. I must keep God's promises in my focus:

¹²Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. ¹³Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, ¹⁴I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 3:12-14)

AMEN!

Meaningful Movement: 45 minutes of Leslie Sanson walking DVD with resistance belt and light jogging

Foods that fit in a baby bowl, Day 56:
-Chocolate muffin
-apple
-Swai fish filet
-Trail mix
-pepperoni, crackers and cheddar cheese (half of what I'd been eating)
-White spinach pizza and watermelon

Day 55 - April 17 - (just the facts)

Meaningful Movement: N/A

Food that I ate:
- 1 1/2 English muffins
-BLT on sour dough, fries and side salad with bleu cheese
-pretzels
-2 bratz
-2 m&m cookies

Day 54 - April 16 - Fun in the Sun

I've been feeling pretty depleted lately but was able to get a recharge in my batteries today. My daughter was able to spend the morning and afternoon with her best friend and I was able to have a wonderful day with two of my best friends, Tanya and Jenny. We went to an extra quiet beach (they soaked up the sun while I enjoyed the shade of an umbrella! Yes, I'm the palest Filipino you will ever meet), drove to the boardwalk where we had a FABULOUS grouper reuben (blackened grouper, Florida slaw, thousand island dressing and cheese all on in-house rye bread) and for the last 45 minutes before we had to drive back, looked around in some cute boutiques. ( Plus, a shirt that I adored FIT! THAT was a recharge all by itself!). It was a perfect day of sun, conversation, contemplation and fellowship with two GREAT women. Thank you, ladies, for a wonderful day!


Meaningful Movement: N/A


Food I ate today (didn't use a baby bowl):
-English muffin with ICBINB
-Fried green tomatoes (1 1/3) and sauce
-Grouper reuben with fries
-Small Shake's concrete - mint chocolate chip with Heath bar crunch.
-Fasted after 3pm
NOTE: With all the calories I packed in before 3pm, believe me, this was no big sacrifice!

Day 53 - April 15 - A Stumble and Fall

Oh, wow. I can't BELIEVE how much I BLEW my baby bowl experiment today. Just one thing after another and I ignored almost EVERY guideline and goal that has been my focus for over a month. I didn't have any meaningful movement, I overspent in my budget during a lunch out, ate too much at that lunch, overate again for dinner and felt TOTALLY gross by the end of it. I have to come to the conclusion that short-term yumminess isn't worth the totally gross bit at the end of the day. I have enjoyed so many other nights feeling satisfied, accomplished and HEALTHIER since starting the Baby Bowl Experiment. Today was not one of those days. So. Back on the horse tomorrow.

Meaningful Movement: N/A

Food that I ate, day 53 (so much variety I can't even list it):
-Church brunch
NOTE: Ate out of my baby bowl here so I started the day okay. Plus, I had an AMAZING morning with my sisters in faith! HUGE blessing!
-Mexican restaurant
NOTE: A WASTE in calories and money but had a wonderful time with my family. The added bonus is my husband and I are convicted about tag-teaming on future decisions when it comes to where we spend BOTH from now on. Sometimes you have to take a step back to take a two steps forward.
-Volunteer reception dinner
NOTE: What a great evening of fellowship, group prayer (POWERFUL!) and planning. CAN'T WAIT for the Beth Moore simulcast on Saturday, April 24th. If you haven't, register now:
http://www.fumcniceville.org/women/women-events.html
YOU WILL BE BLESSED!!!

Day 52 - April 14 - Step Class without the Step

So. Today I went to my first step class in about a year. The LAST time I went I was SO angry at the ridiculous intricacy of it I spent most of my time glaring at the instructor while I tried not to break my neck falling off the step. I did sweat for an hour but needed a MAJOR attitude adjustment. Fast forward a year and I'm ready to try again. A glutton for punishment, I went back to the same instructor but this time, I looked into what my options were. I asked about taking the step class and NOT using the step and she was TOTALLY supportive! She's told her classes that this is an option but it sounded like I'd be the first to actually take advantage of it. I KNOW that the workout would be more effective with a step, of course but even more, I know myself. I know that I will fall off while I'm trying to figure out where my feet are supposed to be and I'm not trying to sabotage the rest of my workouts by busting an ankle or knee. HOWEVER, I'm also looking for a new way to get some cardio in before my Beginning Toning class and to keep my body guessing. I can't be bothered about what other people are going to think about my NOT using the step and it's not the time to be self conscious about my utter lack of coordination. What I loved about this class withOUT the step is the total challenge of keeping up, learning a knew language (there is a whole other language used by step instructors to let the students know what they need to do. For now, I am CLUELESS.), the interval training and the fact it's keeping my body doesn't know WHAT I'm going to give it next! If I get comfortable later on, I may add some height but for now, movement is enough. Love it!

Meaningful Movement: 1 hour of step and 1 hour of beginning toning

Foods that fit in a baby bowl, Day 52:
-Juice Plus+
-English muffin, 1/2 peanut butter and 1/2 butter
-1 scrambled egg with American cheese on homemade tortilla
-Swai fillet, 5 whole wheat crackers and 2/3 wedge of Laughing Cow Light cheese (garlic herb)
NOTE: Swai is HUGE. I was just so hungry I ended up eating way more than my baby bowl in my final meal. I've also gotten Laughing Cow cheese to get me through my cheese and cracker desire. The garlic herb flavor is SO yummers and Marianne likes it too.

Day 51 - April 13 - The Green Skirt

I put on a skirt today that I haven't been able to get over my THIGHS longer than I remember. My rear and my tummy were pretty squished in there but the button MET the button hole. The zipper CLOSED. I could sit down and BREATHE. It was AWESOME! I'm telling you, I'm going to SAVOR this journey!


Meaningful Movement: 40 minutes interval on the treadmill (3.0 - 4.5, 2.5 cool down)

Food that fits in a baby bowl:
-1 scrambled egg and American cheese in a homemade tortilla wrap
-At the MOPS meeting: Chicken salad on croissant, fresh fruit, 2 mini quiches, cucumber on baguette round, greek pasta salad (feta cheese, olives, tortilini, herbs, olive oil)
NOTE: I did use my baby bowl and I have to admit, the sandwich did go above the rim. It was all just so yumster I wanted to try as much as I could and it wasn't everything. Plus, I didn't have cake...and it looked DELICIOUS!
-1 scrambled egg and American cheese in a homemade tortilla wrap
-1/2 bag of peanut m&m's
NOTE: I'd been wanting a candy bar since last night and really wanted a Baby Ruth while I was waiting for the van to be fixed. The m&m's were my happy medium.
-2/3 small strawberry Julius, 6 waffle fries and 6 Chik-fil-A nuggets and I tried all the different sauces
NOTE: This was above the rim too. I made the mistake of not bringing my bowl and didn't prepare for getting hungry at the MALL. *gah*